It feels like a roller coaster. Up...up...up...no, no. Fuck Waaaaay downj. Yes. Mr. Righteous has Bipolar so I'm constantly riding this machine up and down. peaks and valleys. Right now Mr. Righteous is coming down. And that means:

a) No pleases. No thank yous.
b) Short sentences. Kind of like and army soldier. Instead of "Could you turn of the light?" It's spoken like "Turn off the light". And with a force of voice that says "if you don't do it, I know where you live".

I could go on but I'm too tired. We made a deal that when I leave for the coast, he's not to follow.

Wedding Bells and all that shit

So every spare moment I can afford after my shitty days at Nordtrom fitting bratty kids and stinky feet I've been spending designing and putting together wedding invites for one of my good friends Asian Babe.

Asian Babe has a child and a full time job. Indeed that's a lot to handle. But being self-involved, I'll be out of a job in two weeks and I really can't afford the time or (lack of) money.

Asian Babe asked me to design and create her wedding invites "Sure" I say. "No problem" I say. Then we schedule a date to sit down with a wedding invite specialist (actually my girlfriend who gradated with me from the graphic design course) and she grinned at me ...no, no, not grinned...beamed at me from across the table as she open the 10 inch thick book containing all the wedding invites.

My jaw dropped. Not because I couldn't deisgn a wedding invite. Easy. It's the items and effort involved.

Items:
1) Glossy Photo of Asian Babe and American Hunk couple
2) Vellum cover for photo with invite information
3) RSVP card
4) RSVP card orange stock card backing
5) Direction card
6) Direction card orange stock card backing
7) Map Card
8) Map Card orange stock card backing
9) Envelope with orange interior for RSVP card
10) Foldable envelope/package for layered effect
11) Envelope for entire package

Never having paid any attention to wedding invites before I didn't know what I got myself into.

I turned to my girlfriend and said "I'm having a mild heart attack."

Each piece of paper has to be hand cut with a metal ruler and exacto blade and if there's a backing, dry adhesive has to be applied. I feel like a small asian child in a sweat shop.

I hate wedding invites now. Hate is a strong word and I intend to use it. I also thought that these things were usually a group effort but I haven't received any help. Any days I've organized for the girls to get together have ended with excuses "I forgot I have to work, I'm too drunk from the night before and yes...yes...."I have to walk my dog".

Isn't that like "my dog ate my homework?"

I'm frustrated because with my Nordstroms job and wedding invites combined I've had no time at all for anything. Including search for another job. My manager asked me to stay on at work for another month so I did. But now I realise I shouldn't have. I asked for some time off recently for a funeral and hence missed it because we were too short on staff at work. I miss Asian Babes' bridesmaid fitting day with brnch and now I am told there is no one to cover for the two day vacation I wanted.

I'm glad I'm quitting. And this will be the last free graphic design project I will ever do. Wedding or not. It's not worth my time if I don't get paid. I've realized one thing here. Everyone looks after their own self interest.

It's time to do the same.

Depressing...isn't it?

I cried at the gym yesterday. That never happens. I've been so depressed lately. So I get out of the gym and I call Mr. Righteous.

I tell him I need him to come home and just be with me. That I've had a shitty day and that I would love if he could cook for me. He tells me that he'll be two hours because he's working out with Tom and that I should take a nap and that he'll be home in two hours to cook. I'm so tired but I don't even attempt to sleep. I pick up some canned soup for one because of Mr. Righteous bad track-record, rent a movie and poor myself a glass of wine and cuddle with my cockatoo She Who Must Be Obeyed on the couch.

Two and a half hours go by and a I decide to call Mr. Righteous. He picks up his cell and I here a lot of activity going on behind him. "Where are you?" I ask. "Oh, Tom and I had such a huge work out at the gym and now we're exhausted. I'm just going to get something to eat first at the bar." Then I hear him talk to the bar tender "An Amstel Light thanks." Then he gets back on the phone with me. "I thought you were sleeping?" "I couldn't sleep. I thought you were coming home." "I'll be home in a few moments okay."

Two more hours and he shows at the door. And I complain. "I said I really needed you here and you go to the bar and drink it up with Tom?" "Tom almost got fired today because of a nasty email that someone wrote. He was having a really bad day."

But so was I. And I'm his girlfriend.

So I said "So how am I meant to see this?...you always put yourself first before me. That's a given. Then comes Tom. And then me?"

He stared at me like a doe in the headlights.

I got nothing.

Fancing and Ducking

So Mr. Righteous and I go out clubbing. First to Contour and next to Noc Noc. Both of them high-energy electronica music clubs. We have a great time at Contour and by 4am we head on over to the after-hours club Noc Noc. It's been a while since I've been out and about on the town so we're having a great time. We both arrive at Noc Noc and I notice that Mr. Righteous has bumped into Ms. Short Stuff.

Here are th reasons why I don't like Ms. Short Stuff.
- Having made honest attempts four times now to be polite and make conversation she completely ignores me.
- Knowing full well I am dating Mr. Righteous, she will bounce around, flirt, dancing and hit on Mr. Righteous right in front of me.
- Turning her back towards me to block the conversation between my boyfriend and trying to take over the conversation is totally rude and pretty high on the catty list.


'nuff said


So he walks directly over to Ms. Short Stuff and starts talking to to her. So as he does his things which is socailizing I decide to do mine which is dance. ANd I'm having a great time. No touching, no rubbing, no sleazy stuff. Just dancing with whoever will dance with me.

So I bump into Mr. Righteous on the dance floor about half an hour later and he talls me sternly "I should give you $34 and you can take a cab home when you're done" and walks off and out of the club. I of course follow thinking "WTF?"

Driving home in silence we get home and start to argue.

Mr. Right: "Why didn't you dance with me on the dance floor? I was completely ignored. You dancing with allt hose other men."

Me: "I didn't even know you were on the dance floor. You were socializing with other people when I saw you last."

The arguement lasted about an hour and I started getting pretty fucking annoyed. I told him that maybe he should go back to the Hoochy-Mamas he's used to dating with the inflatable tits rather that dating someone like myself. At least then you can control someone with sh*t-for-brains better. I'm as faithful as a f*cking labrador and the only reason why you wouldn't trust me is if I can't trust you. Clearly I should watch the watcher.

And he smirks at this.

What a fucking low-life.

I'm moving out.

A Little Numb. A Little Bored.

Sitting at my desk I feel rather numb. I'm hardly making ends meet with this Shoe Cave position. Selling children's shoes is not exactly the job I had in mind after graduation but resume and portfolios take time to put togther. Mr Righteous and I are on shakey grounds. I'm getting tired of the low-brow humor and drop-kick jokes. Not to mention drop-kick friends.

Something has to change.